Staring out the front windshield, watching the sun rise over the mountains in the distance, contemplating the festival ahead. This is the biggest show I have signed up for in over five years. I lost my mojo when Ron died. I lost my confidence. I am trying so desperately to find it again.
I am making new work now. It feels like I am on to something. It feels like me, but I am scared. What if no one likes it? What if I am just wasting my time? What if I fail again? These thoughts keep me awake at night. I know it is counterintuitive as an artist to worry about such things. Of course you will fail and have some people not get "it". The trick of an artist is to take that and rise again from the ashes. Keep trying, keep going, keep making. I want to be a Phoenix this time. I want to be on the right track. I want to conquer my fears.
Being creative is in my soul and even with my soul in pieces I must find my mojo again. I am hoping for good things this weekend. Now more than ever I need to succeed even just a little. I have set a goal to get to bigger shows, find some gallery representation and finally make a living as I make my art. Here's to anticipation.

   In grad school I had so many art concepts and real-life issues racing through my brain that I was unable to lock down completely what I was even talking about in my work. The one thing I knew for sure was that everything in my world was based on contradictions. Battles being fought from within as well as from without. I also knew that I had an innate desire to create beauty as there was so much ugliness occurring at that time as well. That was enough then. I knew there was more, but I was unable to get a firm grasp on it.
   Now, as I unfold my next chapter, I find it is only the tip of the iceberg. There is so much more that I want to get across in my work. I keep contemplating words like talisman, totem, fetish, charms, iconography, symbolism, heirlooms, memories, magic, mystery, ethereal, beauty, power. Over the years these are words that have been thrown around with whatever I was working on at the time, but I did not really see the significance. I was just making stuff. Just stuff. Now as I try to reign things in and focus on a series that has been manifesting for some time, I see these "words" as an important consideration. 
   In art and art making, I believe every aspect of the maker comes through, even things buried so deep as to be forgotten. However, the subconscious mind never forgets. Things have a way of coming out regardless of intent. We are then left to decipher the mysteries that escape. We must then attempt to communicate these ideas in such a way as to make them understood. It can be a vicious cycle of self-evaluation. So why are these words or concepts important to me and why do they continually surface in my work? These are questions I am setting out to answer as I continue my journey. 

   Several years ago I was honored to wear a wonderful piece, made by Eunsuh Choi, in the Glass Art Society Fashion Show in Toledo. It was beyond exciting. So when the fabulous Laura Donefer announced there would be another fashion show at Corning in 2016 I was determined to have and wear my own work.
   It was beyond everything I had hoped for. Creating the work was extremely challenging, my studio is not finished, no proper annealer for larger stuff, weight gain since last wearing this dress for my wedding in 2014, etc.... But, I pulled it off! It was one of the best nights of my life! 
   So back home to the real world. Fighting my way through creating in not-optimal space, and again trying to find my way in Tennessee. I came back from GAS so inspired. I came back with a new desire to stop with the farmers markets and trinket sales and really get some art making done. I want to teach again too. So now to figure out how to make these things happen. Wish me luck!
   

Nothing like working on twenty different things and suddenly getting an idea, dropping everything for a minute, and digging right in. I have five shows to prepare for, one a really big deal, a kiln shed to finish building, kilns to get wired and hooked up, a garden to finish planting, a house to clean, vehicle work to be done, t-shirts to make, not to mention a thousand things I want to make just to see if I can.... Can we say busy? Haha. All I can say is I am loving it all! Have a wonderful and creative Thursday.

Had a wonderful day demonstrating and selling at the Rossini Festival in downtown Knoxville this weekend.Got a pretty nasty burn when the wind got the best of my flame, but didn't lose the piece. :-). News stated 100,000 people. I believe it! We were set up on artisan row right by the jazz stage, which was fun. Sales were good, not great, but good and Tiana, my youngest daughter, debuted her goat's milk soap and did quite well. It was an enjoyable and very long day. Felt so good to be back at a larger festival. It has been a while. Looking forward to more.
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   April 19 stands for a lot in my journey over the last four years as it is the day my partner of almost 25 years passed on to the next world. I thought it was an end. It was in many ways. I somehow find it appropriate that on that 4th anniversary I should begin a new chapter. I worked my last day for someone else yesterday. I made the decision to fully commit to my art. I am excited, I am terrified, I am over-whelmed, but I am doing it. Ron always believed in me and my work. To honor him I need to just do it! I now have a new partner who believes in me whole heartedly, so I know I am truly blessed and all will be okay.
    So where to begin? Well, I already have begun. I started really trying to promote my Etsy and Facebook pages a few weeks ago. I started applying and lining up some shows, I put a proposal in for an installation in Corning NY. I am creating my costume for the Glass Art Society Fashion Show (deadline looming quickly, oh my), So many things are in the works already and now the biggest thing to do is....CREATE! Heading to the studio now. Have a wonderful creative day :-).

   Finally made the decision and put in my notice at work. I am going to make a go of Wild Pony Studio full-time. It has been a long time coming, but fear has nagged me into staying put. No more! It is time to prove to myself and my critics that I have what it takes to make a living from my work. I am excited, apprehensive, overwhelmed, happy....and so much more.
   I have been spending a considerable amount of time trying to promote my Etsy and my Facebook page. I also have a few venues set up to sell. The biggest thing is getting the kiln shed completed and simply MAKE WORK! So in two more weeks I clock in with myself. Yay!

   The kiln shed is coming along. Slow, but coming. Between the weather not cooperating and the "real job", it is hard to get things accomplished as quickly as I would like. I have to stay positive and remember "Rome wasn't built in a day". I have all these projects going and new ones floating around my head that I want to start. It gets overwhelming sometimes. It becomes almost a chore to even work on one thing when I can not decide which thing I want to work on most. It is those moments that I must simply force myself to do something, anything, just do it! If I give in to the angst nothing gets done and I know this. Motivations are always helpful.
    My biggest motivator is probably deadlines. Though I am a huge procrastinator, I seem to work best under pressure. I almost need that whip-cracking sound of the clock ticking away to function at times. I get in the groove then and can push through a project. It can be such a double edged sword though because stress is not conducive to good mental or physical health. 
    I find making lists another great motivator. If I write down what needs to be done and then cross them off as I finish them I can see progress. I can see success rather than failure. I try to include things I "want' to do as well as things I must do. This allows a sense of pleasure into the equation. Today's list is not as much about pleasure but about being responsible. Hopefully I can squeeze in some pleasure. Hope everyone has a creative and fulfilled Friday. I am off to start my list. :-)

    Went and saw the new Superman vs. Batman movie. My husband Jimi is a Batman fanatic. I was disappointed. It was an action packed film, to be sure, but there were several times that it became hard to follow and other times it was just redundant. I also wanted more Wonder Woman damn it!!! Haha.
    I love weekends like this last one. Worked on the kiln shed quite a bit. We have three trusses up and in place now. Only nine more to go. Doesn't seem like much maybe, but when it is just myself and Jimi putting trusses  fourteen feet in to the air and securing them, it is quite an achievement. We got rained out yesterday, which was a bummer because we were making such headway. 
   I am becoming quite anxious to get this project complete so we can move on to the next phase of building, a closed in porch room on the front and getting electricity to it. I also want to start the building of a wood kiln. Never enough time or money it seems. Luckily we have collected a lot of the lumber and supplies over the last couple years and that is saving a lot of money.
   I started a new series this weekend as well. An idea I have been playing with for a long time. It will combine my clay and glass in a new way and I am excited to see how they evolve. I will post pictures as I get farther into the process and decide whether they will even work. It is nice to be on a new path creatively though. I function so much better as a human being when my creativity is flowing. 
   

   For me, coming into the spring of the year is so refreshing. I love winter, but it is never my most creative time. Lack of sunshine, or warmth are simply not conducive to my productivity. When the daffodils and the hyacinths begin to peak through the soil I somehow become recharged. I begin thinking about birds, flowers, gardens, going to the beach, fishing etc... I start preparing for our garden. I watch the birds in amusement and enjoy the blossoming trees. I stare off into the sky and daydream about this idea or that idea. I start making goals for the year. It is a whimsical magical time and I embrace it.
   It is also the beginning of show season. It is time to start making new work and revamp old ideas. I try to jot down ideas in my sketchbook, but sometimes it is just on a random envelope or scrap paper laying around. I like to keep these ideas to look back on when I get blocked as to what to make. Certainly I intend to eventually get around to trying them all, but there is always something else coming to mind first. 
   The kiln shed is coming along nicely. We started making the first trusses yesterday. They are calling for storms today so I am not sure if we will get any set this afternoon. I hope so. I am itching to fire a kiln. It has been so long. Running electricity out there is going to be quite a challenge and expense. Still not sure how that will come about, but somehow it will. Have a wonderful creative day!